7 Secrets of Being a Homebirth Dad Part 2

4. Say goodbye to the little things that kill

Me? I hate hospitals for a million and one small and big reasons.
Looking back now I can't believe I didn't jump for joy when Bel
mentioned having a home birth simply because I wouldn't have to go to
one. My main problem with hospitals is this - the idea of being
surrounded by sick people sounds like a bad strategy if you want to
stay healthy. Plus there are hundred small things: it smells bad, the
foods nasty, it's demeaning to find you way by following coloured
lines on the floor and most importantly, when your newborn arrives
he/she won't be woken up by someone else's screaming child. Hospitals
suck, home rules!

5. You don't have to live the delivery room cliché of the hapless and
scorned father

You know the one - where the woman in labor hates her husband and
screams blue murder into his face, punches him etc. Either that or she
is so medicated and spaced out she doesn't even know what a father is
let alone who you are. With a home birth her labor is undisturbed. She
does not have to be picked up halfway through and rushed to the
hospital. I cannot state enough how much a difference this makes.

6. You are He-man of the home, you have the power!

That's right. It's not the power of grayskull though, it's the power
of being the master of your environment. It's a subtle difference, but
one you will notice.Your home is your place. You pay for it. The
midwives and guests are the fish out of water. If they want something,
they ask you. There's a funny thing about evolution, it has created
the subconscious trait that whoever gives out the food is the dominant
player in any situation. That's why in a home birth you will find it
feels a lot more natural to ask more questions about what's going on,
to make sure that the birth plan is stuck to and to generally be more
involved and have more say over the whole thing.

7. You won't have your surprised, fragile heart ripped out.

If you only remember one of these secrets, make sure it's this one. At
the end of a home birth, the midwifes leave. Not you. This is the way
it should be. In a hospital, you will be torn away from you newborn
child and your exhausted wife at the very peak of your emotional
vulnerability. Let me paint the picture for you real quick: two weeks
before my eldest daughter was born my Dad had died, we were not
financially safe and I didn't have a job. In short, it was tough. But
being the alpha male I am, I wasn't showing it and being the rock
solid guy I like to think I am. But the instant I saw my new daughters
face I discovered a vein of happiness and a depth of feeling that
washed away my ego and my fears and even helped me come to terms with
my Dad's recent death and made me, a mainly scientific sort of
thinker, to almost see a thread of symmetry within life. If that's
all a bit too Lion King for you I apologize, my main point is this ?
at that point the most unnatural thing in the world for me to do was
leave my daughter, drive home and lay on my couch for eight hours and
wait for the sun to rise. To make me do that, is probably the cruelest
thing that has ever been done to me. In retrospect I wish I had stayed
and made them try and have me arrested to make me leave. I have
forever lost that first night with my first born.

These are my reasons why home birth was better for me. I've called
them secrets, because these things are not common knowledge and are
not talked about all that much even within the world of home birth
programs and message groups etc. It's not all good ? you will have to
clean up afterwards. That's not anyone's idea of fun. But hey, that's
a small price to pay in my opinion.

After experiencing both hospital and home birth my wife and I wouldn't
even consider going to a hospital again unless there was a very
compelling medical reason why we should do so. That's compelling, by
our standards of reason and common sense. Not what any medical
profession says. It's a no-brainer for us. As a Dad there is really
no comparison to be made. You are a key part of a home birth. The
mother needs you and is relying on you. In a way it's a shame when
it's all over because you revert back to being a useless man again
before the midwifes leftover tea goes cold.

Ven Batista

Thank you for your point of view and your fantastic posts! They were enjoyed and most appreciated.